For those of you who know me well...and for those of you who have had to teach me in the past...you are likely well aware that I am absolutely lacking when it comes to the ability of focus. Basically, if my focusing ability was paralleled to eyesight...it would be that of a hundred and eighty year old. Poor. Very poor. I've never had a long attention span. Ever. Focusing on something, one thing...anything has always been difficult for me. I could make myself if needed and when required, and I could memorize the hell out of anything, but it actually took quite a bit for me to concentrate - to the point of anxiety most times. The most notable and memorable times would be when my face would get blistering hot, my entire body would fidget and my eyes would water. It is a terrible feeling. I would, and still do, sometimes get so anxious by lack of focus that I have screaming matches with myself...sometimes out loud, but mostly in my head. Which can be aggravating because I never know who wins. I've struggled with it for years but I've recently come to find out, through the aid of the medical world, that it is just the way I'm built. There are ways to manage it, there are ways to aid in focusing but at the end of the day, it's simply just the way I work. I have a wonderful doctor (which can sometimes be a rarity so I am very grateful) who told me that it would appear that I have an absolute network of thought highways in my head. Um...no offense...but duh. I've known this my whole life, Al. My doctor's name is Al. Short for...well, something very long. His words "I'm very sorry for you. I can't imagine how difficult it is to have thoughts, emotions and ideas flying in, out and around your head without sometimes even being able to grab onto one and give it finality. On the other hand, you should feel sorry for me that, in that because our minds are opposite, I most often only have one to two thoughts swirling around and therefore have a more difficult time of grasping the talent of multifariousness." Admittedly, I had to look up that last word (lousy-genius-know-it-all-but-am-grateful-for-doctor) but he made his point. I need to see and accept both sides as being equally advantageous and having value. I may have a mind that simply doesn't stop and he may have a mind that he is able to contain but we equally have to work on the opposing sides of how our minds work. I can learn and practise ways of calming and quieting my mind if only for a little bit to gain clarity and focus while he can learn and practise ways of stimulating his mind, his thoughts and emotions thereby allowing more in. And, in the end, both work for all kinds. His diagnosis after inquiring whether I'd like an actual and medically tested diagnosis (no thanks)..."some might call you attention deficit, others might say you have a chemical imbalance and still others might say you lack self-control...but I simply say you are a dreamer..."
I'll take it.
In the meantime, as therapy for when I begin to feel anxious or completely out of focus, my doctor encouraged me to take fifteen to twenty minutes two to three times a day to do something that I find calming...theraputic. It doesn't have to be repetetive and it doesn't have to be extravagant just something that I do for me, for my mind and to regain some perspective and focus.
So, I suppose...here are today's twenty minute therapies. Nothing special, definitely nothing spectacular but calming and little deliverers of resolution. Oh - and word for the day - multifariousness.
1: Fall Walk (never been on one that wasn't calming)
2: Secluded Cabin (instant peace is a secluded cabin)
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